Water Filled Lungs

Life is just. People come, and people go. Dust in the winds of time. The few people you meet in your life who actually matter will come and go, but never stray for ever. I can say that i have less real friends than i have fingers on one hand. Maybe I’m too intense for people, maybe I’m just too picky about who i surround myself with. Possibly I’m too sensitive. I have been through a lot of trials and tribulations in my life. Growing up with physically and mentally abusive step-father who adopted me. A mother who listened to everything her husband said, regardless what kind of pain it put on her first born daughter. A biological father who i have met once, but story has it that he abused me and my mother when i was first born. Now I am a 22 year old with a cosmetology license. Slap on a fake smile and make people happy and beautiful, while inside I’m drowning and every once in a while i am able to come up for air. I don’t trust. Every person i have ever let inside (besides a select few) have betrayed me, drug me through the dirt, or tried to use me. I am such a nice person and I feel like I get walked all over like a doormat.. Come on in and rob me. Have your way with me, oh no, of course i don’tmind. I have a boyfriend who i have been with since august of 2006. I am madly in love with him. My family hates him, they think he is a low life and isn’t going anywhere, and is only dragging me down. I think the only people who have really drug me down in life are my parents. Or maybe with all the wonderful parenting skills my parents instilled into my brain makes it easier for me to forgive when he hurts me. I am in love with him and no matter what i will always be his. Not saying he treats me badly constantly at all. We do fight, but usually its me and my insecurities. I’m definitely use to being treated like shit, and it has turned me into a very cold person inside and i tend to block people out, when inside im dying because i have no friends. I need people in my life that share the same interests. whether they are physically in my life, or over the internet. Sometimes i just need an ear that will listen to me vent, and give me advice. I haven’t had that in years. No one knows who I really am inside, and I am at the point in my life where I am ready to be dissected and have my insides spilled out for everyone to see. I’m tired of hiding behind this mask.